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Prose

Notes indeed, that were born but one in a year, there might be a pretext. But when they are so common
I do not advert to the insolent merit which they assume with their husbands on these occasions.
Let them look to that. But why we, who are not their natural-born subjects, should be expected to
bring our spices, myrrh, and incense, — our tribute and homage of admiration, — I do not see.
“Like as the arrows in the hand of the giant, even so are the young children:” so says the excellent
office in our Prayer-book appointed for the churching of women. “Happy is the man that hath his
quiver full of them:” So say I; but then don’t let him discharge his quiver upon us that are
weaponless ; — let them be arrows, but not to gall and stick us. I have generally observed that
these arrows are double-headed: they have two forks, to be sure to hit with one or the other. As for
instance, when you come into a house which is full of children, if you happen to take no notice of
them (you are thinking of something else, perhaps, and turn a deaf ear to their innocent caresses),
you are set down as untractable, morose, a hater of children. On the other hand, if you find them
more than usually engaging,if you are taken with their pretty manners, and set about in earnest to
romp and play with them, some pretext or other is sure to be found for sending them out of the
room: they are too noisy or boisterous, or Mr. — does not like children. With one or other of these
forks the arrow is sure to hit you.
I could forgive their jealousy, and dispense with toying with their brats, if it gives them any pain;
but I think it unreasonable to be called upon to love them, where I see no occasion, — to love a
whole family, perhaps, eight, nine, or ten, indiscriminately, to love all the pretty dears, because
children are so engaging.
I know there is a proverb, “Love me, love my dog:” that is not always so very practicable, particularly
if the dog be set upon you to tease you or snap at you in sport. But a dog or a lesser thing — any
inanimate substance, as a keep-sake, a watch or a ring, a tree, or the place where we last parted
when my friend went away upon a long absence, I can make shift to love, because I love him, and
any thing that reminds me of him; provided it be in its nature indifferent, and apt to receive
whatever hue fancy can give it. But children have a real character and an essential being of
themselves: they are amiable or unamiable per se; I must love or hate them as I see cause for either
in their qualities. A child’s nature is too serious a thing to admit of its being regarded as a mere
appendage to another being, and to be loved or hated accordingly: they stand with me upon their
own stock, as much as men and women do. O! but you will say, sure it is an attractive age, there
is something in the tender years of infancy that of itself charms us. That is the very reason why I
am more nice about them. I know that a sweet child is the sweetest thing in nature, not even
excepting the delicate creatures which bear them; but the prettier the kind of a thing is, the more
desirable it is that it should be pretty of its kind. One daisy differs not much from another in glory;
but a violet should look and smell the daintiest. — I was always rather squeamish in my women
and children.
But this is not the worst: one must be admitted into their familiarity at least, before they can
complain of inattention. It implies visits, and some kind of intercourse. But if the husband be a
man with whom you have lived on a friendly footing before marriage,if you did not come in on
the wife’s side, — if you did not sneak into the house in her train, but were an old friend in fast
habits of intimacy before their courtship was so much as thought on, — look about you — your
tenure is precarious — before a twelve-month shall roll over your head, you shall find your old
friend gradually grow cool and altered towards you, and at last seek opportunities of breaking
with you. I have scarce a married friend of my acquaintance, upon whose firm faith I can rely,
whose friendship did not commence after the period of his marriage. With some limitations they
can endure that: but that the good man should have dared to enter into a solemn league of
friendship in which they were not consulted, though it happened before they knew him, — before
they that are now are man and wife ever met, — this is intolerable to them. Every long friendship,
every old authentic intimacy, must he brought into their office to be new stamped with their
currency, as a sovereign Prince calls in the good old money that was coined in some reign before
he was born or thought of, to be new marked and minted with the stamp of his authority, before
he will let it pass current in the world. You may guess what luck generally befalls such a rusty
piece of metal as I am in these new mintings.

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