Page 205 - DMGT519_Conflict Management and Negotiation Skills

Unit 9: Distributive Bargaining

sure you can afford this vacation home?” or “I don’t think you can analyze this proposal in time Notes
for us to reach a deal—you’d better get help.”
How should you respond to personal attacks? First and foremost, prepare yourself for the
possibility. If you have never been exposed to such a tactic, but expect it might occur in your next
encounter, then as part of your preparation think about how you will respond—and most
important, don’t let a personal attack get you emotionally involved. If your emotions take over
your strategy, then you have given the other party a major advantage.

For example, a few years ago a real estate developer bought two-thirds of a valuable piece of
lakefront property, expecting to buy the other third that was for sale and was the key to the total
development project. The developer had already made one critical mistake by purchasing the
first two-thirds of the property with no guarantee that he could buy the other third; he failed to
realize the significant leverage he had given the other party who owned the last one-third of the
property. Then in the first face-to-face meeting to discuss the remaining third of the property, he
became enraged when the owners indicated they would prefer to sell their third of the land to
someone else, even if at the same price. The developer took this negotiation tactic—introducing
the existence of another buyer who is not at the table—as a personal attack and repeatedly asked,
“Why isn’t my money just as good as theirs?” and “Why do they only need to match my offer,
but I must beat their offer?” In what is an all too common response when someone becomes
emotionally involved, the developer angrily left the meeting, hired an attorney, and spent the
next several months in court. In the end, he paid the same amount that the owners of the last one-
third of the property had asked in the beginning, which was approximately just a little more
than what he paid per for acre for the first two-thirds of the property. But his emotions led him
to waste thousands of dollars on legal expenses and court fees.
What are successful responses to personal attacks on your character or abilities? First, as was just
discussed, prepare yourself for the possibility. If you have never experienced such an encounter,
then consider role-playing with someone who is experienced. Get used to the name-calling and
keeping your mind focused on the issues at hand. Practice resisting the temptation to defend
yourself—or worse, to respond with similar personal attacks. Both of these responses are perfectly
natural, and tempting, but almost never productive. Instead they usually raise the emotional
level of the other party to even higher levels, and decrease the likelihood of reaching an agreement.
Instead, consider the advice of Roger Fisher and William Ury in their landmark book Getting to
Yes. First, recognize a personal attack for what it is, and respond by sitting back and letting the other
party blow off steam. Keep in mind, it’s only a tactic to gain advantage over you, so don’t let it
reach your emotions. It might be helpful to respond with: “I think we all need a break, and in fact
let’s take a 15- minute break.” Second, reframe their attack on you as an attack on the problem or issues
at hand. In the real estate example just described, the buyer—instead of reacting emotionally and
hiring an attorney—could have responded with: “When you indicate that you would just as
soon sell your property to someone else, even at the same price, what I hear is there may be
other interested buyers, and since this is a valuable piece of property, that is certainly a possibility.
But I’m prepared to make you a fair offer today. What do suggest is a reasonable price?” That
response would have reframed the personal attack back to the issue of settling on a price for the
property. And it would have advanced negotiations without insulting the seller or falling for
their tactic of introducing another possible buyer. Third, consider responding with silence or a
question. Silence is a powerful tool in many negotiation situations Silence after receiving a
personal attack may cause the other party to become uncomfortable, and feel they have caused
a stalemate. Thus, they may feel compelled to break the silence by making a positive statement
and getting things back on track: “Well, that is not really a fair thing to say, let’s get back to
work.” A carefully worded statement might achieve the same response. In the previous real
Source: Michael R. Carrell and Christina Heavrin, The Everyday Negotiator (Amherst, MA: HRD
Press, 2004), 118–121.

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