Page 116 - DSOC201_SOCIAL_STRUCTURE_AND_SOCIAL_CHANGE_ENGLISH

Unit 4: Family

Relations between Daughter-in-Law and Parents-in-Law Notes
Like change in relations between parents and children and between husband and wife, we find some
change in relations of daughter-in-law with her in-laws. The present position of relations between a
daughter-in-law and father-in-law shows that woman uses less purdah (veil) from her father-in-law.
Some women even talk freely with their father-in-law. The use of sari today to cover the face completely
when talking to an elder male has less and less ideological support. Some women, instead of drawing
out the sari in front of the face to observe purdah, turn away the face and point their gaze downwards
and thus symbolically observe purdah. In a few traditional families in Uttar Pradesh, Madhya Pradesh,
Rajasthan, Punjab, however, some women continue to hide their faces from their fathers-in-law in
the old way, though there are class-caste and urban-rural residence variants here also.
As regards freedom in discussion with father-in-law is concerned, though women in the urban
educated families do enjoy it, but in traditional rural families they are not much free.
In fact, the pattern of family also affects the father-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship most. The
relationship between the two would depend whether their family is joint or nuclear in which father-
in-law is the occasional visitor, and whether the mother-in-law is alive or not. In the nuclear family,
the relations would not be as formal and or-thodox as in the joint family. Less customary distance is
maintained in the former than in the latter families.
The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship in the traditional family was strong but
institutionally troublesome. The mother-in-law’s power over the bride was nearly absolute. She could
require that her son repudiate the marriage and send the girl back to her family. There was in fact less
affection between the two women and the daughter-in-law was likely to hate her mother-in-law.
Today, though we find some change but it is less significant than the one in father-in-law and daughter-
in-law relationship. This has a socio-psychological rather than pure sociological orientation. A mother
devotes more time to her son to satisfy her “wish for recognition”. She even sacrifices her comforts
and luxuries for him. In return, son consults her on all important issues. But after the marriage, due
to the physical attraction for his wife and the feeling of moral responsibility, he starts consulting his
wife more and pays more attention to her than to his mother. Then mother comes to feel that her
daughter-in-law is responsible for this ‘neglect’ on her son’s part. She, therefore, develops antagonistic
attitude towards her daughter-in-law and brands her as lazy, callous, impertinent and disobedient.
On the other hand, daughter-in-law enters her husband’s family with the stereotyped attitude that
every mother-in-law is strict, harsh, cruel, wicked, sadistic, scheming, and nagging-type. The two
women, thus, fail to understand each other leading to tensions between the two. Mother-in-law’s
direct and complete authority over the young bride is also due to the necessity of integrating the new
wife into the family, but the educated bride resents this dominance and revolts against the rigid
control and thus comes in conflict with her mother-in-law. Yet another reason for the conflict between
the two is that they spend most of their time together, getting fewer outside interests on which to
release frustrations and aggressions. Thus, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-
law based on mutual distrust and ambivalence was found not only in the traditional family but exists
even in the present family. We find some change in the relationship between mother-in-law and
daughter-in-law today. The majority of the mothers choose their daughter-in-law very carefully and
are by and large compromising and understanding. The majority of newly married girls too are
willing to make adjustments to ensure the success of their marriage. It is expected that the dominance
of mother-in-law over her daughter-in-law would decline as family structures change from joint
families to nuclear units and the two women become spatially separated.
Taking change in all the sets of relationships together (that is, between parents and children, husband
and wife, and daughter-in-law and parents-in-law), it may be concluded that the relationship structure
in Indian family is undergoing the following changes in the contemporary society: (1) Younger
generation claims more individuality. (2) Conjugal relationship does not get any preference to
consanguineous relationship. (3) People whose source of power is ideological no longer try to impose
their authority on the youngsters.

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