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Guidance and Counseling

Notes quite unconventional. Secular ideas of marriage have propagated the view that marriages are matters
of convenience, and if one of the parties chooses to get out of it he/she should have the freedom to
do so. The force of this argument has compelled social legislation to be enacted in almost all countries
providing for divorce under certain stipulated conditions. The twin issues of marriage and divorce
loom large in social and domestic lives.
American society evolved several new conventions and customs, one of which concerns marital
counseling. This is the institution of ‘dating’. This is a unique experiment which has come to
characterize the American social system. Dating is a socially approved and normal practice. The
young boys and girls meet several times by themselves to understand each other better before
stepping into matrimony. Usually dating is also considered an index of social success and social
desirability. Marital counseling has evolved in the US culture as an important service to help secure
happy marriages.
In recent times, studies have revealed that marital counseling has come to be a continuous process
with its beginnings in the day of courtship, its course progressing through marriage to times of
stress prior to the parting of ways. The marriage counselor must be acutely aware of the philosophy
and objectives of marriage. People enter into marriage for happiness, companionship and affection.
More aspects should also naturally enter into matrimonial alliances. In an open society where the
individuals are free to choose their partners in marriage the relationship is one of understanding
and regard for each other. People marry out of such considerations as wealth, position, or attraction
for the personality, of the partner. This latter aspect is usually termed love. The counselor has a very
important role here in helping the parties understand each other such that they are not overwhelmed
by fanciful misconceptions. Each must seek the other for what he or she is and emotion should not
be permitted to have the better of reason.
The second aspect of matrimony concerns compatibility. Can incompatibilities sustain a marriage
for long? The parties to the marriage should have similar attitudes, interests, cultures, likes, value
systems and so on. A fundamental aspect of compatibility is age. People of different ages will not
have similar interests. Age is also important from the viewpoint of sex gratification. It is a physiological
fact that the sex urge is at its peak in early adulthood. As individuals grow older the urge is expected
to progressively become less dominant. The marital counselor cannot under-estimate or afford to
ignore the role of sex in marriage. Sex is a means for human beings to obtain stimulation and
gratification through their senses. No religion, either primitive or modern, no society, aboriginal or
civilized and no law, barbarian or progressive, has ever underestimated the importance of sex in
marriage. The marriage counselor has to keep this in focus all the time when he is involved in
marital counseling.
Most marriages get into difficulties owing to several problems resulting from incompatibility, lack
of empathy, communication and other specific problems, involving personality adjustments and
other socio-economic conditions like finance, social life and status.

32.5 Premarital Counseling
Premarital counseling concerns the very important stage of choosing a mate. This basically involves
the coming together of two individuals who may be known to each other from their childhood or
who may be related in one way or another to each other or who may be acquaintances or who may
be in close contact in day-to-day life as coworkers, class fellows, etc. All the above relationships
suggest by implication that the partners to a marital relation are not absolute strangers. However,
in Indian society, most marriages are arranged and partners, more often than not, are strangers to
each other. In the Indian situation the social fabric does not permit a period of courtship. This,
therefore, requires treatment on a different footing. In most of the western societies, the premarital
stage is considered a very vital stage in determining the success or failure of marriage. The institution
of dating and other such socially approved ways of meeting each other are aimed at an understanding
of each other such that mutual bonds of liking and affection can grow. Several affairs end abruptly

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