Page 81 - DSOC201_SOCIAL_STRUCTURE_AND_SOCIAL_CHANGE_ENGLISH

Social Structure and Social Change

Notes My contention is that in the present age, besides the above-mentioned factors, children keep five
other factors also in their unconscious mind in mate selection. These are: (i) parental image, (ii)
couplementary needs, (iii) homogamy/heterogamy in characteristics, (iv) acquaintance, and (v)
consciousness of kind.
The parental image refers to the influence of a parent’s image (father in the case of girls and mother in
the case of boys) upon marital choice. The kind of individual whom a young boy/girl will love or
hate, embrace or avoid is determined largely by the kind of people he/she has learned to love or hate
as a child. The individual whom one chooses as a mate will resemble or be different from one’s own
parents in just those important physical and personality traits, the young boy/girl liked or disliked
in his/her parents when he/she was a child. Thus, if a young girl finds her father a drunkard, a wife-
beater, a lethargic, a liar, etc., she would not like to select a boy as a husband who has similar
characteristics. Similarly, if a boy finds his mother spending too much time in kitty parties, avoiding
home-work, too fond of ornaments and cosmetics, etc., he would like to avoid these characteristics in
a girl he would select as his wife. On the other hand, if a girl finds her father hard-working, helpful,
devoted to family, committed to work, and so forth, she would prefer to have her husband of similar
qualities. This is called ‘parental image’ in mate selection.
The complementary needs in mate selection refers to choosing a marriage partner whose ‘need pattern’
will be complementary (but not similar) to one’s own need pattern. According to the theory of
complementary needs, if a girl is fond of cooking new food items, she would like her husband to be
one who likes and appreciates cooking of new variety of things. If a boy has love for music or art, he
would like to have a wife who has a liking for listening to music and appreciating art.
Homogamy/heterogamy refers to giving preference to similar as well as opposite characteristics of the
spouse. For example, if a boy is extravagant, he would prefer to have a little miserly type of girl as his
spouse (this is heterogamy), but if he is highly educated, he would prefer a wife who is almost
equally educated (this is homogamy).
Acquaintance refers to the fact that ‘somebody’—known to boy’s and/or girl’s parents/relatives—
knows the boy or the girl who is being considered for marriage. This acquaintance will give some
background or basis of determining whether he/she can be considered for marriage or not.
Lastly, consciousness of kind refers to an individual’s wish to marry a person of his own kind or from
his own cultural background, that is, same religion, region, community, caste, and class, etc. This is
based on the belief that if both partners belong to the same environment, marital adjustment would
be easier.
The above-mentioned five factors would, however, operate only when the marriage partners are
chosen by the children themselves. It is not to be expected that these qualities would be operative in
a setting where marriages are arranged. In spite of the above considerations, what one ‘likes’ is
different from what one ‘needs’, and what one ‘needs’ is different from what one is ‘likely to get’.
One may like a glamorous girl, needs a working girl, but what he may actually get may be moderately
educated and a tolerably good-looking girl.
It may be concluded that though a large majority of the youth would select their bride on the basis of
her individual qualities and their own individual needs, but they would give an almost equal
importance to the bride’s membership of a particular group or family and to her adjustibility to their
family and its environment.
The Emerging Trend

A new trend is emerging in the process of mate selection among the middle and the upper-class
educated youth in the urban areas. The parents select the partners for their children and engage them
also. But before performing the marriage, they permit them to mix with and know each other. The
boys and girls go to restaurants, visit movies, or go to gardens, together. In this process of interaction,
they pass through three stages before finally deciding to marry. Following Murstein (1971: 100-151),
these stages may be described as stimulus stage, value stage, and role stage. In the first stage, the

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