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Prose

Notes Men of Wit
There are some faults in conversation, which none are so subject to as the men of wit, nor ever so
much as when they are with each other. If they have opened their mouths, without endeavouring
to say a witty thing, they think it is so many words lost: It is a torment to the hearers, as much as
to themselves, to see them upon the rack for invention, and in perpetual constraint, with so little
success. They must do something extraordinary, in order to acquit themselves, and answer their
character, else the standers-by may be disappointed and be apt to think them only like the rest of
mortals. I have known two men of wit industriously brought together, in order to entertain the
company, where they have made a very ridiculous figure, and provided all the mirth at their own
expense.
I know a man of wit, who is never easy but where he can be allowed to dictate and preside: he
neither expecteth to be informed or entertained, but to display his own talents. His business is to
be good company, and not good conversation; and therefore, he chooseth to frequent those who
are content to listen, and profess themselves his admirers. And, indeed, the worst conversation I
ever remember to have heard in my life, was that at Will’s coffeehouse, where the wits (as they
were called) used formerly to assemble; that is to say, five or six men, who had writ plays, or at
least prologues, or had share in a miscellany, came thither, and entertained one another with their
trifling composures, in so important an air, as if they had been the noblest efforts of human nature,
or that the fate of kingdoms depended on them; and they were usually attended with an humble
audience of young students from the inns of court, or the universities, who, at due distance,
listened to these oracles, and returned home with great contempt for their law and philosophy,
their heads filled with trash, under the name of politeness, criticism and belles letters.
Pedantry
By these means the poets, for many years past, were all overrun with pedantry. For, as I take it, the
word is not properly used; because pedantry is the too frequent or unseasonable obtruding our
own knowledge in common discourse, and placing too great a value upon it; by which definition,
men of the court or the army may be as guilty of pedantry as a philosopher or a divine; and, it is
the same vice in women, when they are over copious upon the subject of their petticoats, or their
fans, or their china. For which reason, although it be a piece of prudence, as well as good manners,
to put men upon talking on subjects they are best versed in, yet that is a liberty a wise man could
hardly take; because, beside the imputation of pedantry, it is what he would never improve by.
The great town is usually provided with some player, mimic or buffoon, who hath a general
reception at the good tables; familiar and domestic with persons of the first quality, and usually
sent for at every meeting to divert the company; against which I have no objection. You go there
as to a farce or a puppet show; your business is only to laugh in season, either out of inclination
or civility, while this merry companion is acting his part. It is a business he hath undertaken, and
we are to suppose he is paid for his day’s work. I only quarrel, when in select and private
meetings, where men of wit and learning are invited to pass an evening, this jester should be
admitted to run over his circle of tricks, and make the whole company unfit for any other
conversation, besides the indignity of confounding men’s talents at so shameful a rate.
Raillery
Raillery is the finest part of conversation; but, as it is our usual custom to counterfeit and adulterate
whatever is too dear for us, so we have done with this, and turned it all into what is generally
called repartee, or being smart; just as when an expensive fashion cometh up, those who are not
able to reach it, content themselves with some paltry imitation. It now passeth for raillery to run
a man down in discourse, to put him out of countenance, and make him ridiculous, sometimes to
expose the defects of his person or understanding; on all which occasions he is obliged not to be
angry, to avoid the imputation of not being able to take a jest. It is admirable to observe one who

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