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Unit 25: Swift–Hints Towards an Essay on Conversation...

is dexterous at this art, singling out a weak adversary, getting the laugh on his side, and then Notes
carrying all before him. The French, from whence we borrow the word, have a quite different idea
of the thing, and so had we in the politer age of our fathers. Raillery was to say something that at
first appeared a reproach or reflection; but, by some turn of wit unexpected and surprising, ended
always in a compliment, and to the advantage of the person it was addressed to. And surely one
of the best rules in conversation is, never to say a thing which any of the company can reasonably
wish we had rather left unsaid; nor can there anything be well more contrary to the ends for which
people meet together, than to part unsatisfied with each other or themselves.
Interruptions

There are two faults in conversation, which appear very different, yet arise from the same root,
and are equally blameable; I mean, an impatience to interrupt others, and the uneasiness of being
interrupted ourselves. The two chief ends of conversation are to entertain and improve those we
are among, or to receive those benefits ourselves; which whoever will consider, cannot easily run
into either of those two errors; because when any man speaketh in company, it is to be supposed
he doth it for his hearers’ sake, and not his own; so that common discretion will teach us not to
force their attention, if they are not willing to lend it; nor on the other side, to interrupt him who
is in possession, because that is in the grossest manner to give the preference to our own good
sense.
There are some people, whose good manners will not suffer them to interrupt you; but, what is
almost as bad, will discover abundance of impatience, and lie upon the watch until you have
done, because they have started something in their own thoughts which they long to be delivered
of. Meantime, they are so far from regarding what passes, that their imaginations are wholly
turned upon what they have in reserve, for fear it should slip out of their memory; and thus they
confine their invention, which might otherwise range over a hundred things full as good, and that
might be much more naturally introduced.
There is a sort of rude familiarity, which some people, by practising among their intimates, have
introduced into their general conversation, and would have it pass for innocent freedom or humour,
which is a dangerous experiment in our northern climate, where all the little decorum and politeness
we have are purely forced by art, and are so ready to lapse into barbarity. This, among the
Romans, was the raillery of slaves, of which we have many instances in Plautus. It seemeth to
have been introduced among us by Cromwell, who, by preferring the scum of the people, made it
a court entertainment, of which I have heard many particulars; and, considering all things were
turned upside down, it was reasonable and judicious: Although it was a piece of policy found out
to ridicule a point of honour in the other extreme, when the smallest word misplaced among
gentlemen ended in a duel.
There are some men excellent at telling a story, and provided with a plentiful stock of them, which
they can draw out upon occasion in all companies; and, considering how low conversation runs
now among us, it is not altogether a contemptible talent; however, it is subject to two unavoidable
defects; frequent repetition, and being soon exhausted; so that whoever valueth this gift in himself,
hath need of a good memory, and ought frequently to shift his company, that he may not discover
the weakness of his fund; for those who are thus endowed, have seldom any other revenue, but
live upon the main stock.
Elocution
Great speakers in public, are seldom agreeable in private conversation, whether their faculty be
natural, or acquired by practice, and often venturing. Natural elocution, although it may seem a
paradox, usually springeth from a barrenness of invention and of words, by which men who have
only one stock of notions upon every subject, and one set of phrases to express them in, they swim
upon the superfices, and offer themselves on every occasion; therefore, men of much learning, and

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