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Unit 3: Conversation Building

Call people by their appropriate names. If you are familiar with each other, call each other notes
by first names. If you are in a conversation with a VIP or maybe your boss, call them by
their appropriate titles e.g. Sir or Madam.
Some people may find difficulty in carrying a conversation while dining at the table. In this
case, basic table manners must be applied, such as: avoid talking when your mouth is full.
And if the other guest is also in the middle of chewing his food, let him eat quietly first and
engage him in a conversation when he is done.
Avoid interrogating too much; especially if this is the first time you have been introduced
to the person. Be aware of their body language as this could indicate whether or not you
are already going over the boundaries of asking too many questions about them.
8. Develop new areas of conversation: Conversations in a formal format may at times end up
in discussions on many topics ranging from politics to business or sports and entertainment.
However, discussing lives of other people such as your common friends or acquaintances,
particularly when they are also invited guests in this event, should be avoided. Mentioning
a few things about your personal life is acceptable. But also be conscious of sharing too
much. Avoid hogging the conversation because talking too much about yourself may
either bore other guests or alienate them.
9. Maintain eye contact: Eye contact is crucial. It is a way to engage other people into the
conversation. Avoiding eye contact may indicate your lack of interest with the person you
are with and that could be insulting. However, don’t overdo it to the point of staring, as
this is also rude.

10. Exhibit positive gestures and body language: Nobody is interested in even talking to a
person who doesn’t have a positive body language. In formal conversations, how you
speak through your body language is as important as what you speak verbally.

It is for this reason that your hand movements must be limited to your own space since
other guests may find your gestures inexcusable. To overstretch, reach over, slap, clap,
playfully punch or high-five someone in a formal social setting is a no-no. Perhaps the one
allowable physical contact you may have with another guest is a very firm handshake.
11. Be a good listener: Carl Rogers, in On Becoming a Person, notes that, “The whole task
of psychotherapy is the task of dealing with a failure in communication …… the major
barrier to mutual interpersonal communication is our very tendency to judge, to evaluate,
to approve or disapprove, the statement of the other person, or the other group …… Real
communication occurs when we listen with understanding – to see the idea and attitude
from the other person’s point of view, to sense how it feels to them, to achieve their frame
of reference in regard to the thing they are talking about.”
By listening, you are giving respect to the person speaking and showing that you understand
what they are saying. If you misunderstand what they are trying to say, you can both work to
clarify the message.

By practicing your listening skills, you will also develop better speaking skills. If you listen to
where people misinterpret what you say, you will find ways to make it clearer. Your frustration
at being misunderstood will disappear and you will assume less about what you hear because
you have confirmed it with the speaker.
Remember, listening is not the same as hearing. Hearing is using the ears to acknowledge the
sound of something. Listening means understanding from the perspective of the speaker.

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