Page 61 - DMGT519_Conflict Management and Negotiation Skills

Unit 3: Personality

Notes
techniques are considered better methods of dispute resolution because they result in
lower transaction costs, greater satisfaction with outcomes, less strain on the parties'
relationship, and lower recurrence of disputes (Costantino and Merchant, 1996, pp. 45-46).
Laura's primary interest is to have a challenging and fulfilling job in which she is respected.
She wants to be free of that tight, panicky feeling in her gut whenever she sees Tim. Laura
wants to be seen as a competent professional, not a floozy who flagrantly violates the
unwritten rule of avoiding sexual dalliances with male co-workers. Yet she wants to have
a somewhat informal, enjoyable working relationship with her colleagues. Tim's interests
are the same as Laura's. He doesn't like the predicament his attraction to Laura has led him
to. Actually, the humiliating rejection he experienced in the cab effectively killed his
initial interest in Laura. Now he feels stupid and guilty and compelled to make sure that
Laura doesn't think he is a complete oaf. And he doesn't want the miserable cab experience
to be recast into a tale of attempted rape. He too wants a challenging and fulfilling job in
which he is respected. He too enjoys easy banter with his cohorts.

The interests of the other employees in the division is to regain the pleasant atmosphere
they once enjoyed prior to the uneasiness of the relationship between Tim and Laura.
They like both Laura and Tim, but the cab incident has put them in an awkward position.
The tension is high in the office and nobody knows what to do about it. The two employees
to whom Laura confided the incident no longer feel that Tim is as wonderful as they
originally thought. Nevertheless, while they wouldn't consider Tim as a friend outside of
work, they have no problem with him on a professional level. Tim does his job well.
Although the Managing Editor of the Journal is unaware of the specific incident between
Laura and Tim, he has sensed some tension in the air. He considers Laura and Tim to be
exemplary employees, but lately they have not been their usual productive selves. He
convinces himself that his employees go through normal ups and downs, and Laura and
Tim will bounce back to their former level of high performance. Even with his rationale,
the Managing Editor still can't shake the feeling that something is amiss. To quell this
strange feeling, he has been leaving the office more and more to play squash at the gym.
The common thread running through everyone's interests in the alleviation of anxiety.
"Intensifying anxiety for the individual is marked by heightened sensitivity to others in
the group, shifts in perception and interpretation of events and behavior, and an increasing
automaticity of behavior" (Papero, 1996. p. 49). The key to reducing anxiety within an
individual and consequently, the group that an individual is a part of, is the process of
differentiation. Differentiation defined simply is the ability to adapt and cope with the
demands of life (Gilbert, 1992. p. 18). This adaptability requires flexibility in response and
calm assessment of a situation to determine action in accordance with one's principles.
Gilbert states that "at higher levels of differentiation, people have more choice about
whether to follow the guidance of the thinking self or the guidance of the emotional/
feeling self. They are better able to separate these two functions. At lower levels of
differentiation, the intellectual and emotional guidance systems are fused, allowing little
or no choice between the two and making the intellect essentially emotionally driven"
(1992, p. 21).
To translate the concept of differentiation to the level of practice, the process is essentially
learning to be a calm presence, not reacting automatically to anxious situations, and
dealing with relational conflicts at their source. Differentiation demands a higher level of
self-awareness and awareness of how one fits into emotional systems. For example, if Tim
and Laura had managed to calm their anxiety enough to be able to talk openly about the
issues stemming from the cab incident, then the continuous apologies and their attendant

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