Page 63 - DMGT519_Conflict Management and Negotiation Skills

Unit 3: Personality

Notes
all off, Laura felt guilty and angry at herself for not being able to stand up for herself and
not let Tim affect her.
Tim declared that he had no intention of hurting her. Yes, he had his eye on Laura ever
since she started working at the Journal. She was pretty and fun to work with. Yet Tim
admitted that his pass at her in the cab was a stupid mistake, and he truly regretted and
was embarrassed by his behavior. Tim was even more remorseful after hearing Laura's
painful account of the emotional ramifications the incident had upon her. But that's where
the empathy stopped. Tim justified his continuing apologies as an attempt to make clear
that he was sincere. He told Laura to lighten up. He certainly didn't understand how his
apologies could be construed as harassment. If Laura felt that way, then it was her problem.
He was only trying to be nice, and now she makes him out to be a sociopath. Tim asked
Laura why she hates him so.
The Ombudsman sensed how the tension between Laura and Tim was making her feel
tense as well. Before speaking, she sat in silence for a few moments to calm herself,
knowing that any expression of her own anxiety would further increase the anxiety in the
room. She paraphrased Tim's and Laura's perspectives and commented that both of them
have suffered from the cab incident. Both felt guilt and shame. As difficult as this discussion
may be, the Ombudsman complimented them for their openness in sharing their feelings
with each other. Framing the emotional issues, the Ombudsman stated that this discussion
can pave the way for healing by helping them lay aside old grievances, increase
understanding, build trust, reduce anger and begin to forgive each other (Gold, 1993.
p. 257). She asked Tim and Laura what they hoped to gain from this facilitated discussion.

The Ombudsman's positive and calm feedback gave Tim and Laura the ability to take a
few steps back from the intense situation and think about their interests. Turning to Laura,
Tim said he recognized the pain he caused her and understood that his pass in the cab was
wrong. His guilt about the incident caused him to repeat his apologies. All he wanted now
was for Laura to hear and accept his apology. Then he would be able to put the whole thing
behind him and move on. Tim hoped that Laura would be able to do the same.
Laura replied by saying that she felt she had accepted his apology the morning after the
incident occurred. But after hearing Tim, she realized that her response to his apology was
not as clear as Tim needed to clear his conscious. Laura really held no reservation in
accepting his apology over the cab incident. Hence, she clearly stated her acknowledgment
of Tim's apology and her acceptance of it. Now that she understood why Tim continued to
apologize, she wasn't as angry at him. Even so, it still bothered her that Tim didn't
acknowledge the affect his repeated apologies had on her. Laura asked Tim if he could at
least recognize her feelings. Tim thanked her for accepting his apology and reciprocated
in part by honoring her viewpoint about his continued apologies, but also held to his
opinion that she was overreacting.
The Ombudsman asked Laura how she felt about Tim's statement. Laura said she could
live with this resolution to agree to disagree on that particular point, as long as Tim did
not negate her feelings. Tim reiterated that he heard her feelings. After repeating the
progress made thus far, the Ombudsman asked them if they were to work in the same
office again, would they feel comfortable interacting with one another. Tim quickly replied
that he would have no problem with working with Laura again. Laura revealed that she
had approached her former boss about the possibility of transferring back into her old job.
Her boss said he would be happy to have her back. She told Tim and the Ombudsman that
she needed some time to think about her job options before she could answer the
Ombudsman's question. After checking for any other concerns they wanted to address, the
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